A 30-year-old man has taken to Reddit, expressing frustration and confusion after moving from Arizona to New York City for his girlfriend, only to realize that a year has passed and she still hasn’t taken steps toward living together.
The man, who went by the username u/WatchRN, detailed his relationship with his girlfriend, a 25-year-old woman he met in college. Their relationship began during their time in upstate New York, where he served as a resident assistant and she was a student who struggled with dorm life.
After graduating, he accepted a job offer in Arizona, prompting them to navigate a long-distance relationship. The situation changed when she moved to NYC for better job prospects after her graduation. At the time, he hoped she would consider moving to Arizona to live with him, but she refused, citing the city’s lower pay and undesirable weather.
To keep the relationship alive, he decided to relocate to New York City in July of the previous year, believing that living closer would help them build their future together. He quickly found a stable job in Manhattan and secured a great apartment on the Upper West Side.
However, the living situation took a turn for the worse once he was settled. His girlfriend struggled to find a job in the city for months, so he offered for her to move in while she continued her search. She turned down the offer, insisting that she didn’t want to move in without first securing employment. Instead, she chose to live at her parents’ house on Long Island.
For the next seven months, she would visit him once or twice a week, leading him to believe their situation was temporary. Eventually, she landed a job in Manhasset, Long Island, which further complicated their plans. She told him that commuting from Manhattan would be impossible due to her job’s demanding orientation period lasting three months.
This latest development served as a turning point for him. With his lease set to end in July, he suddenly realized that he had essentially lived alone for an entire year in NYC while making significant sacrifices for their relationship. The stark realization hit him: she had made no definitive moves toward building a life together.
After this revelation, he confronted her about their future. While she assured him that she sees a future with him, he felt that her actions consistently contradicted her words. Each time it seemed they were about to take the next step, an excuse would arise, postponing their plans indefinitely.
His feelings of frustration escalated as he reflected on the sacrifices he made, especially the move from Arizona to New York. Now, he faced the prospect of moving again, this time potentially to Long Island. This would involve finding a new apartment and possibly a job closer to her—a daunting experience that felt like starting over.
He expressed feelings of resentment, feeling as if he had been kept emotionally invested while his girlfriend repeatedly postponed their commitment. His frustration culminated in a recent conversation where he insisted that if they were to relocate to Long Island, she needed to actively participate in the process, helping him arrange the move and search for a new job.
“Am I overreacting for feeling resentful and upset about my current situation of needing to move again for us?” he asked the community.
The responses from other users varied, with many empathizing with his predicament. One person told him that it’s natural to feel frustrated when the effort in a relationship doesn’t feel mutual. Another reader pointed out that relationships require sacrifices from both partners, and if one person is consistently hesitant to take the next step, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship’s trajectory.
Others offered suggestions, encouraging him to communicate openly with his girlfriend about his feelings and the importance of shared progress in their relationship. A number of readers felt that moving again without mutual commitment could lead to further discontent in the future.
Even as he sought clarity from others, he still faced uncertainty about how to proceed with his relationship and whether to report his concerns to his girlfriend. The emotional toll of the past year weighed heavily on him, and he remained torn between loyalty to her and the need for his own well-being.
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