A university student has taken to Reddit to share her struggle over whether to continue living with her boyfriend or move back to her university dorm for the sake of her independence. The 20-year-old woman, who identifies as 60% disabled, has been living with her boyfriend since their relationship began in March 2025. During that time, they also spent a summer working together far from home, which solidified their bond. However, as their lease comes to an end, she finds herself questioning the living situation.
The couple initially enjoyed living together, but her boyfriend’s messy habits have become a significant source of frustration. The student suffers from a skin condition that makes household chores difficult, and she feels overwhelmed by the state of their apartment. “I’m looking at mugs growing mold and a stove covered in grease,” she wrote, highlighting her concerns about his lack of cleanliness.
Financial changes have also forced her to reconsider where she lives. Her disability benefits, which she has relied on for most of her life, are being taken away, leaving her unable to afford rent in an apartment. Though her boyfriend insists he can cover her share of the rent, she questions the sustainability of relying on him, especially considering both are college students with limited financial resources.
“He says not to worry because he’ll get another job,” she explained, “but then when are we even supposed to spend time together?” The pressure to maintain both a relationship and full-time studies weighs heavily on her. She wants to be responsible for her own living expenses and not place that burden on her boyfriend, who already has enough on his plate.
The need for independence is a vital factor in her decision. Having been overly protected by her mother due to her health issues, she feels like moving in with her boyfriend has replaced one form of dependency with another. While she appreciates his care and support—he even prepares coffee for her each morning—she longs for the independence she experienced while living in the dorms.
She reminisces about the freedom she had during her time in the dormitory, where she had her own space, her own routine, and a supportive network of friends. “Living together has made my social circle smaller,” she noted, recognizing that her connection to others has diminished since they have been cohabitating.
The couple’s future is also at stake. The woman is one year behind her boyfriend in university and will be studying abroad for a semester through the Erasmus program in two years. This situation has caused him distress, as he struggles with feelings of abandonment. “He knows how important this is to me,” she remarked. This has added pressure to her decision and created tension within their relationship.
Reflecting on their living arrangement, she recalls a time last December when she battled depression, which affected her studies. At that point, she realized how important it was for her to have outside support and a social network beyond her relationship. The decision to speak about moving back to the dorm came amid feelings of being overwhelmed and suffocated, leading her to seek advice on how to approach the conversation with her boyfriend.
In her Reddit post, she asked if anyone has gone through a similar situation of not living with a partner while still wanting to maintain the relationship. She seeks advice on how to navigate this conversation without damaging their bond. “How do I approach this without hurting our relationship?” she questioned.
The response from Reddit users has been thoughtful and varied. One person told her that it’s essential to communicate her needs clearly. Another reader suggested that taking time apart in living arrangements could actually strengthen their relationship by allowing them both to grow individually.
This advice resonates with her, as she seeks more than just a living arrangement—she wants space to build her identity and become more self-sufficient. For her, moving back to the dorm would mean regaining a sense of control over her life and responsibilities.
As she weighs the pros and cons of her relationship, the notion of dependence versus independence looms large. The fear of losing her connection with her boyfriend competes with her desire for personal growth. With the lease deadline approaching, she must confront these feelings and make a decision that could significantly impact both their futures.
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