A 31-year-old man found himself grappling with the challenges of a polyamorous relationship when his 24-year-old boyfriend prioritized dates with his ex over celebrating significant occasions. The Reddit user, known as OOP, shared his experiences in a candid post that quickly gained attention online.
OOP and his boyfriend had been together for approximately eight months when the younger partner suggested opening their relationship. Initially resistant, OOP eventually agreed to explore polyamory, provided there was transparent communication. He set boundaries, indicating that Mondays and Tuesdays were dedicated to their relationship.
However, tensions arose when OOP learned that his boyfriend had scheduled hangouts with other men during their designated time. One such hangout was a breakfast date with a man named Alec, which was planned for a Monday. When confronted, the boyfriend downplayed the situation, claiming it was just a friendly catch-up and that he forgot it was OOP’s day off.
The situation escalated around OOP’s birthday, which fell on another Monday. Despite knowing how much birthdays meant to OOP, his boyfriend forgot about it until reminded by OOP’s roommate. He grabbed a last-minute cake and flowers, which OOP viewed as insufficient given the emotional weight of the occasion. A significant argument ensued, highlighting the lack of attention OOP felt he was receiving.
A few weeks later, Valentine’s Day presented another opportunity for disappointment. OOP had prepared a thoughtful surprise for his boyfriend, only to discover that he had made plans with another guy instead. Though he stayed up to spend time with his boyfriend, the effort felt unreciprocated when his boyfriend returned home later than promised.
The complexities intensified as OOP discovered his boyfriend had been reaching out to multiple exes. One ex, who OOP referred to as Eric, planned a weekend trip that involved financial support from Eric, raising further concerns for OOP due to the emotional history between them. OOP expressed discomfort throughout the process, particularly when his boyfriend insisted he accompany him to meet Eric but later opted for a phone call instead. Eric’s dismissive attitude during that call only deepened OOP’s feelings of unease.
Weeks passed, and OOP’s boyfriend continued to schedule outings with Alec on their designated days, claiming ignorance about the significance of OOP’s boundaries. After another date with Alec where the boyfriend showed off new gifts received, OOP finally declared he could no longer participate in the polyamorous arrangement. He had tried, but the experiences had left him feeling increasingly marginalized and hurt.
OOP’s boyfriend responded by accusing him of overreacting. Frustrated, OOP sought guidance on social media, questioning whether he was in the wrong for allowing his boyfriend to date his ex while feeling neglected himself. Many users echoed OOP’s frustrations, with one person stating he was not in a genuine polyamorous relationship, but instead was being used as an emotional safety net. Another reader suggested that his boyfriend was playing with OOP’s time and emotions.
In an update, OOP revealed he had ended the relationship and moved to Oregon alone after discovering his boyfriend’s intentions to use him for a fresh start. The transition, initially meant to be a shared milestone, turned sour when he learned his ex had picked up the apartment keys before him. This unexpected twist left OOP feeling betrayed and trapped in a home meant to signify a new beginning.
OOP expressed frustration about his ex’s presence and the complicity of their mutual roommate, who had knowingly allowed the situation to unfold. Now, OOP finds himself in a precarious living arrangement, questioning how to navigate the complexities of living with his ex and seeking ways to regain control over his situation. Readers offered various suggestions, including seeking legal advice on tenant rights and considering options for leaving the apartment altogether.
With no clear solution in sight, OOP continues to weigh his options, unsure of how to reclaim his space and peace of mind. The emotional fallout from his relationship and the surprise twist of his ex moving in have left him contemplating his next steps, as he seeks a way to escape the situation he never anticipated.
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