Long term relationships change, but when one partner starts feeling deeply dissatisfied, the way they respond to that frustration can say everything. One married father says that after nearly a decade of marriage, the passion he once felt with his wife has faded so much that he is now thinking about finding physical connection somewhere else, even though he knows it could damage the family they built together.
In a Reddit post, the 37 year old husband explained that he and his wife have been married for almost ten years and share two kids. He says that when they were dating, their sex life felt affectionate and exciting, but after marriage it gradually cooled down. Now, he feels like intimacy has become mechanical, limited, and mostly focused on helping his wife orgasm as quickly as possible.
He Misses the Kind of Intimacy They Used to Have
According to his post, his frustration is not only about frequency but also about the kind of sex they are having. He says he wants more variety, more enthusiasm, and a more adventurous connection overall, while his wife seems focused on certain positions and direct clitoral stimulation that help her finish faster. He also mentioned disappointment around sex during her pregnancies, saying that while he felt excited about intimacy during that time, she had little interest.
That difference in perspective seems to have built into something much bigger over the years. Instead of feeling desired and connected, he now sounds stuck in resentment and confusion, wondering whether this is simply who she is or whether the relationship has reached a point that cannot be repaired.
The Dangerous Turn in His Thinking
The part that makes this story feel especially tense is what comes next. Rather than focusing first on why things changed or how the emotional side of the marriage may be affecting intimacy, he says he is considering talking to her about whether she has a low sex drive and, if she is not willing to change, possibly finding a friend with benefits or something similar.
That is a huge leap. To me, the problem is not just that he is unhappy. It is that he seems to be jumping from sexual frustration straight to outsourcing intimacy, as if the only issue to solve is access to sex. In a marriage with kids, choices like that rarely stay “contained.” They tend to explode outward and hit everyone.
Commenters Quickly Pointed to the Bigger Issues
The comments pushed back fast. One person said this sounds like “a mismatch, not something to fix by going outside the marriage,” and urged him to communicate calmly with his wife first. Another noted that her using her hand during sex is completely normal and suggested there may be more going on than he is acknowledging.
The harshest comment focused on what the post left out, asking about chores, parenting, and whether his wife has any time or energy left for herself. That response suggested she may want sex over quickly not because she lacks desire, but because she may be exhausted.
That is what makes this story feel bigger than a fading sex life. It is really about whether he is willing to understand his wife as a full partner, or whether his frustration will push him toward choices that risk breaking the entire family.
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